Todavía en Amor

Siempre en Amor. Always in Love.

Always living in love. Always seeking love. Always choosing love. Always motivated by love. And always - absolutely always - still in love with Latin America.

The Spanish language captured my heart at a young age. I can't explain it; I wasn't following in the steps of anyone I knew, I didn't even know Latin America existed - I simply fell in love. It's funny how we have no control over the longings of our heart - we can only control how we respond to the longings. I still remember the day almost 6 years ago when the Lord pressed on my heart the need to give up my study of Spanish - it ached deeply. At the time, I had no idea whether I was giving up Spanish forever or only for a season, but the longer I was separated the more I felt like it would be forever. 

Three years ago, I went to study in Chile for a summer. I had a beautiful but also very difficult experience. The hardest part was living without any form of community invested in knowing Jesus Christ while I was there. As much as my heart yearns for Latin America, I made a decision in 2013 that I would not leave again without someone to go with me. It was terribly unhealthy for me to be without people seeking after knowing Jesus and my heart is still mending from that season. I am relearning that God loves me and truly desires to bless me. Last week, God lavished me with the joy I've been fighting to remember. I went to Nicaragua for a one week "mission" trip (more on that later) and it was the greatest experience I have had outside of the country by far. 

For those who've inquired, I am picking up my blog once again to share about my time in Nicaragua. It would seem that if you want me to start writing more regularly, you should be praying that God sends me to Latin America more often ;) I will be writing in installments over the next days or weeks. It depends not only on my schedule but also on how much my heart can take each day, for I cannot express how intertwined my heart is with Latin America. 

To start, let me share with you how I came to be in Nicaragua.

I have a lovely friend, Fern, whom I met while attending the University of Iowa. She is one of the closest friends I made during my college years and I am fortunate enough to have her in my life, still. Back in October, Fern mentioned that I should go with her on a trip to Nicaragua she was connected to through her hometown. I immediately lit up at the thought of being in Latin America! I checked the dates with my boss to find that we had a required work conference that same week in the Spring. Now, because it was a "mission" trip, he was willing to excuse my absence, but I was left with some decisions to make.

Currently, my job is one that is not my passion. I took the job as a way to serve for a season but my time is coming to a close at the end of this July. With that in mind, I was weighing the Nicaragua trip against my responsibilities and also trying to be invested where I'm at. After several weeks of soul searching, I decided not to go. I would only be a Program Director for about 8 more months, so I would give my time to this position and responsibility. Maybe there would be another opportunity in the future. 

I was a bit disappointed, but to be honest, I was also somewhat relieved. The thought of leaving the country again terrified me. Not because of any cultural or language barriers, not because I might be uncomfortably dirty, have to eat food I didn't like or be exposed to all kinds of diseases we Americans don't experience. Instead, the single fear I had was related to people. I didn't want to go on another trip with Americans more interested in a paid vacation than in knowing and caring for the people around them. Even more, I didn't want to create a possibility for even the appearance that God might abandon me without community in another country once again. Sure, Fern was planning to go, but we all know life happens - that wasn't a guarantee.

We are now in the middle of January and my life is crazy busy with all of the winter retreats happening at camp. On a Thursday at a staff meeting, my co-workers recognize that our required work conference this year lands on the same week as their kids' Spring Break. In about a 15-minute turn around, not only does my boss decide that the conference will not be required this year, but it hardly seems that anyone will even think of going! You better believe I whipped out my phone and texted Fern as soon as that meeting was over.

There were fortunately still spots available but I had to move fast because the team leader was intending to buy plane tickets within a week. I didn't know a lot of information before I signed up and I still didn't know a lot when I got on the plane. But even the journey was a blessing. It was good for my heart to choose the responsible decision to attend my work conference. Yet in His Goodness, the Lord blessed me with the opportunity to go. I was excited and terrified, not knowing what to expect of this next adventure out of the country. 

Flying and preparing to fly is one of my least favorite components of travel. I tend to get stressed trying to obey all of the regulations and remember if I have everything I need, but this time around, the stress never really hit. That in itself was a blessing that seemed to pave a way for the beautiful week ahead. 

It's this undesirable talent I have to control my emotions and protect my heart. Although I was grateful that I would be leaving the country with a friend for the first time - one where they speak Spanish - I started the week with the mentality that I probably wouldn't want to join the team the following year. I was prepared for the trip to be difficult. I wouldn't know much, probably wouldn't agree with a whole lot, and most likely would be doing everything I could to keep distance between myself and the other team members. At least I had Fern. And a love for Latin America that can never be quenched.

Siempre en Amor...