I mentioned before that I went on a "mission" trip, not a mission trip to Nicaragua. To explain every detail of my reasoning would take far too long. After all, it has included 7 years of intentional consideration and the ground work was laid when I was born into my family. My parents were considered missionaries to at-risk urban kids and fundraising a salary was the norm for the first 10 years of my life. Like I said, that is another story for another time.
What is a mission trip? What is a missionary? This word, "mission" is used to described someone who moves to another country in an effort to share the Gospel with a people who have never heard the message of Jesus Christ. It is used to describe a high school youth group traveling to a big city to complete some work projects. It is used to describe a team that journeys to serve at an orphanage for a week. It is used to describe a team that provides medical and dental care that would be otherwise unavailable or impossible to afford. What is a mission trip?
Although my mind is swarming with thoughts about the subject, I haven't arrived at a definition quite yet. The only thing of which I am certain is that I don't like applying this one ambiguous word to so many different situations and experiences. Rather than tell you I went on a mission trip, which may have set just as well in many of your minds, let me tell you what I did and why I went to Nicaragua.
I didn't go to Nicaragua because the Lord pressed it on my heart. I didn't go because I felt overwhelmed with the need for the people of the country to know the Gospel. I didn't go because I had a heart for these people to receive medical and dental care that is beyond their means. I went for me.
Similar to the joy I find in Spanish, I have been interested in medicine and the human body since I was very young. Why? I couldn't tell you - I only know that such is the case. This trip would be combining two of my greatest interests! Even more, my heart breaks when I consider the gap between the wealth in America and the poverty of most other countries in the world but I have never seen it with my own eyes. I wanted to experience first hand what that kind of poverty looks like. Not the kind of poverty where the government can provide my staple needs if I don't make enough money, but the poverty that leaves me with absolutely nothing. Whether I will be living as an American for only a few more years or the rest of my life, I never want to take my privilege for granted.
Finally, I went because I couldn't go in good conscience. I learned many years ago that there are very rare situations in which I have any place to judge what is good, right and wrong without living the experience myself. I have struggled for years with understanding the best way to steward our resources as Americans. I often wonder, could we be doing something better? Is it really worth bringing in American doctors when we could send the money and hire natives for less money (If you're interested in a perspective on the roles of natives and foreigners in "missions", consider reading Revolution in World Missions by K.P. Yohannan)? I spent about $1,000 on airfare alone. To hire a native doctor to work with our clinic for 4 days cost $350. Do the math on that. So I decided to live the experience before developing such a formative opinion.
All of my motivation for going on this trip was selfish. Sure, we can stretch the term to say that I was on a mission, but to equate my trip with the men and women who have laid down their lives for the sake of sharing the love of Jesus Christ is preposterous to me. I went to Nicaragua for a cultural experience.
Please do not hear me say that this was the heart and motivation of all my team members. I am sharing about me and myself alone.
Let me step aside for just a moment to clarify one thing: We absolutely CANNOT create a blanket statement to say that "mission" trips must be accomplished with the greatest investment in stewardship. As an individual, it is your responsibility to be obedient to Jesus Christ. If He calls you to do something that does not appear to be a good stewardship of money and resources, obey. If you have concerns about the stewardship someone else is or is not displaying, open the conversation if you can do so in love and care for his/her heart. But remember that the Holy Spirit does not press the same convictions on us all. For if He did, we could never reach all the different people of many different lifestyles in our world. You alone are responsible to Jesus Christ for your conscience and acts of obedience. It was Jesus who defended His daughter's use of an expensive perfume for no other purpose than to pour it out on His feet (Matthew 26:6-13).
I told God I wanted to go. He knows my heart. I wasn't deceitful about it, I laid it all in front of Him. I was going for selfish reasons and I asked Him to tell me "no" if it would not be good for me to go. I prayed for a week seeking the Lord. He did not tell me "yes," but neither did He say "no." It's as though this time, God was showing His love for me. Not focused on the people I would be serving, but tenderly saying "Jessica, I know how you long for Latin America. It was I who let that grow in you years ago and because I love you, it brings me such joy to see you delight in this aspect of who you are - who I have made you to be. Enjoy this beautiful blessing from me and be reminded that I love you and want joy for you."
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